Dealing
by EOandBB
Summary: This story is mostly about Olivia dealing with what happened. But, it’s also going to have some things about fin and how he felt after it was all over. And eventually it will be Olivia telling Elliot what happened maybe some E/O later on.chapter 2's up!
1. Flashbacks

**Okay so this is a story that I've been working on in my head I don't know how it will turn out.**

**I've read other story's that are similar but I wonted to give it a shot.**

**DISCLAMER: I don't own svu or any of the characters. To bad.**

**This story takes place after undercover I may use parts from Trials and PTSD but I may change the story line a little. This story is mostly about Olivia dealing with what happened. But, it's also going to have some things about fin and how he felt after it was all over. And eventually it will be Olivia telling Elliot what happened maybe some E/O later on. So read, enjoy, and review.**

Elliot had taken Harris away. I was now standing face to face with Malinda.

"How'd you know to ask Ashley about the mole?" Malinda asked

"She remembered" I lied hoping she wouldn't hear it.

"but you couldn't' have know she was right" she replied

God I didn't wont to talk about this I could feel the beginning of tears forming in my eyes. I tried to just look and the floor once I was a little surer of my voice I said.

"I saw it when he had me in the basement "

my heart was pounding and the tears where treating to fall I couldn't go through this right now. I just wonted to go home and shower and shower until I couldn't fell him touching me any more.

But Malinda's next question almost sent me tumbling over a fine line that I was barely holding on to.

"Olivia…Did he rape you?" it felt as though I had been stabbed in the heart I cold feel my heart aching in my chest.

The answer was No but it didn't mean that what he had done was any less invasive or traumatizing.

I couldn't seem to find my voice to answer her. So I walked away before I said anything else. I knew it would come back to get me she would think I had been raped and wouldn't understand why I hadn't answered her. The tears stared running down my face I could see Harris in my mind. Feel that feeling of absolutely no control. I walked out of the morgue as quickly as I could. She ran down the halls I couldn't breathe. When I got out side I began to sob my hole body aching. I got in her car and drove home.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

It had been four months since the undercover job at Sealview. I hadn't talked to anyone not Elliot or fin. And I had only seen Malinda once since then. She hadn't said anything which I was grateful for because I had been with Elliot and of al the people in the world he was the one person I didn't won't to tell he knew me well enough that him knowing what happened at Sealview could harm are partnership and worse are friendship. Even though she hadn't said anything she gave me a very worried look I don't know if she was worried about me or if the look was about the young woman laying on the metal table in front of us.

That had been about two weeks ago we had finished the case with ease and had only been doing paper work since. Yesterday I was talking with Elliot and all of the sudden I saw all of these short flashbacks about being in the basement. But I wasn't just seeing it I could feel it. I must have been acting strange because Elliot reached and grabbed my arm and I came out of it but I was still in shock. My heart was pounding harder and harder I pulled my arm away from Elliot and walked to the restroom's could feel Elliot's eyes on me but I just keep walking. When I got to the restroom I washed my face and got my self back together.

Today we had worked a case involving one of my old rape cases I felt horrible but what mad it even worse was that I had another flash back I played it off as just jumpy when Christopher's case agent showed up but that wasn't it I could feel Harris standing in front of me my hands cuffed to the door and not being able to do a dam thing. I don't know what I'm going to do I'm so jumpy and the flash backs are getting more and more often. I found a number for a therapist that I hoped could help I had an appointment later after my shift.

"it happened four moths ago I was um working undercover in a prison….and the male guard tried to rape me" I was nervous rubbing my hands the

Therapist was looking straight at me but I was having a hard time making eye contact it was hard enough admitting it to a stranger but easier then admitting it to a friend.

"and I was I was okay at first and then….I've started reliving it……I just feel really jumpy and I can't sleep…and I feel very out of control." why am I doing this.

"And the thing is that I wasn't even raped." it didn't make since to me I couldn't explain it to my self and now I'm sitting here explain it to a shrink

"Olivia, you were sexually assaulted "

"yea he came so close and there was nothing I could do to stop him… he had a weapon….and he completely over powered me….and I never should have let him take me down there…'cause I know better then that…." I could feel that over whelming feeling welling up inside of me again. It was all my fault. And I knew it.

"Rape victims often blame them selves. You know how misplaced that blame is." The shrink said

"I know I know I know that here. I've told that something to a lot of women."I reply thinking what a line it was because for them it wasn't there fault…but me I know I know better then that. I never should have gone down there and I never should have let him get so close.

"But now I...…I feel…I feel like I don't deserve to be here…. But I feel…I feel like…he stole something from me…………………and I….I need help….dealing with it."I could feel the fear swelling in my chest, the tears in my eye.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

We just finished a case captain told me to take some time off. I don't know what I'm going to do I was going to work to keep things normal. But nothing is normal standing up here on the roof looking out at the city my arms folded across my chest I feel like nothing will ever be normal again. I herd the door behind me open I couldn't get my self to turn around and see who was standing behind me. I didn't wont to because I didn't wont then to see the tears that were spilling down my cheeks felt the hand on my shoulder and I flinched away involuntary.

"Liv" the voice said it was Fin my guardian angle big brother.

I didn't reply. I couldn't trust my voice I just stood there staring out at the city.

"You alright?" I could here the worried in his voice.

"Yea" I said quietly I raised my hand and wiped the tears away

"You wanna talk you know I'm always here for ya?"He said caringly

"Yea I know, Capt. won't me to take some time. I don't think I can."

"What really happened in that basement Liv?"

"Fin….I can't "I said as the tears spill down my face I start to sob he takes me in he's stronger arms and held me as I cried.

"Its okay, its okay, everything's going to be fine" no it wasn't.

"I'm so scared Fin. I….I don't wanna go home I don't want to think about it anymore. I just wont it to go away."I cried, trying to contain my sobs.

"I know I Know"

Once I had stopped crying pulled away from him and looked at him face to face.

"Fin…..Thank you" I said looking straight into his eyes.

"For what?" I could see fin was confused he didn't know how close I was in that basement that night. How if he hadn't have come just then what would have happened.

"Fin you were there you saved me" my bottom lip quivered trying to regain some control of my self.

"I should have kept a closer eye on you nothing should have happened it shouldn't have gone down like it did. I'm sorry"

"You never have to tell me that you're sorry. You were there when it mattered; I would trust you with anything. And I didn't always feel like I could completely trust you but in these last few years you have sown me that I can trust you and I do with my life."Fin hugged me tight.

"You won't me to drive you home or go get some coffee?"Fin asked

"Coffee sounds good"

COFFEE*COFFEE*COFFEE*COFFEE*COFFEE*COFFEE*COFFEE*COFFEE*COFFEE*COFFEE*

We were sitting across from each other in a coffee shop about a block and a half from the precinct.

We sat quietly as we sipped on are coffee. I had to say something to Fin he had just watched me Fall apart .I couldn't have him going around telling people I was emotional unstable and that I was in the middle of a complete break down.

"Fin…."I started but didn't quit know the next words.

"yea" I looked up from my coffee first just a little then I looked him in the face I needed to be stronger again I couldn't be this week if I was going to do this job.

"You can't tell anyone about anything I've said or anything I say from here okay?"I was worried that word might get back to Cregan and I'd be seeing a department shrink twice a week for the rest of my career,

Not something that I would look forward. That would be the best case scenario. I could lose my job or end up on desk duty forever.

"I…..I don't …I don't know if I can promise that." his word cut deep. I told him how much I trusted him and no he's saying he wont have may back.

I stood up and walked away from the table we had been sitting at

I left my coffee where it was. stepping quickly out the door into the brisk New York night I started walking not in any real direction just away, away from Fin away form my thoughts, and away from that coffee shop.

"Liv….Olivia" I herd fin shot from behind me.

"What…..What do you wont from me." without realizing it I had started to cry.

"Oh Liv I'm sorry" fin said reaching out and touching my arm I jerked it away.

"Don't touch me"

"Liv calm down."Fin said but I wasn't in the mood I didn't need a lecture and I really didn't wanna talk about it.

Fin reached out and grabbed my arm tightly then every thing about what had happened in the basement came rushing back I could feel My chest constrict, my heartbeat increase and my breathing became shallow I couldn't move.


	2. Olivia's apartment

Fin's P.O.V.

Oh my god what did I just do.

Olivia began to scream.

"Please don't....Please....stop....NO....NO....NO"

People on the street began to stare at us.

"Liv, Olivia....."

God this wasn't good. I let go of her arm. I had just wonted to talk to her. To

Explain why I couldn't promise not to say anything. She was starting to come back from the flashback

"Olivia, can you here me?"

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry............I'm sorry" Olivia whispered

"Its okay.....Its okay.....breathes......relax" I tried to help

"I've got to go home" Olivia said now that she had calmed down. People were still watching us.

"There's nothing to see here."I said flashing my badge at the rubber necking pedestrians.

The bystanders began to go on there way.

"Please just let me go home Fin." Olivia said

"Yea I'll drive you home alright?"there was no way I was going to let her drive home alone not after this

"No its okay I can get my self home" she was being her stubborn self but i wasn't going to give in.

"Listen either I give you a ride or, we go back to the precinct and Elliot drives you home" I knew that Olivia wouldn't let Elliot see her like this.

"Fine let's go" she said walking back to fin's car.

**Olivia's apartment*Olivia's apartment*Olivia's apartment*Olivia's apartment*Olivia's apartment**

The car ride had a strange silence. As I pulled the car up in front of Olivia's apartment I had to say something. I had broken her trust and

I knew that she needs someone in her life she could trust or she would build walls around her and not let anyone in.

"Listen Olivia I..."he started but Olivia interrupted him

"No Fin... thanks you for the ride" she said as he opened the door. She got out of the car and closed the door leavening a very worried Fin sitting inside.

Fin turned off the car and got out.  
"Olivia, please let me explain."

"What, explain that you don't care, you don't won't to know about it. I shouldn't have told you anything, because now you'll just go tell Cregan and Elliot everything?"

"No....no I would never do that....never. Okay?"

"Then why didn't you promise you wouldn't say anything?"I was worried about her.

"Can I walk you in?"I hope I don't have to explain why this out here. It could turn in to a fight. And that's the last thing we both needed to make public. Olivia's neighbors would call the police to say one off there neighbors was in a fight with some black guy in front of there building.

"I guess" they locked the doors of the car and walked in the building.

when they got to Olivia's door Olivia turned around and leaned against the wall next to the door." what do you wont to say Fin?"

He still didn't want to have this conversation in such a public place.

"not going to invite me in?"He figured he apartment was a mess she spent almost all her time a work and he was having problems .I doubted she cam home and cleaned.

"No"

"Look lets go inside and talk I don't wont to do this in the hall way."

Olivia turned around and pulled out her keys and opened the door.

**Olivia's P.O.V.**

My apartment was dark as we walked in. I flipped the lights on and dropped my stuff on the counter. I continued in to the living room and took a sit on the couch and offered Fin a seat. My apartment wasn't overly clean but seeing how my mother had keep house I knew how to give the ingestion that I was fine that I had it together.

"You want something to drink?"I asked

"No thanks"

"okay then what did you need to come all the way up here to say to me?"

"Olivia you need to talk to someone I said no I couldn't promise that because I wasn't going to lie to you. I think you need help I'm going to tell someone. You almost shot a man in the head today. And if I feel that you're putting your self or the people around you in danger how can I promise not to say something. You were hurt. you have a right to act like this but if people don't know that it happened then they don't understand why your you're pulling a gun on a guy that is in the middle of a fist fight. Your stressed, your jumpy, it doesn't look like your getting a whole lot of sleep. You need this break and you need to find some help to deal with what happened." fin said

I started crying he was right and I knew it people were going to start noticing how jumpy I was if they haven't already. But what was I supposed to do I couldn't close my eyes with out seeing him with out being in that basement felt sick all the time. And the only thing I could say to Fin was" I know"

I could feel him looking at me but I couldn't look at him. He would see how hurt I real was.

"What should I do?"I didn't know maybe fin had a why it make it all go away.

"I don't know. All you can do is keep working on it."

"Yea I know"

"You look tiered you should get some sleep "If only I could I hadn't had I good nights rest in months. i would either stay up all night working or wake up two seconds after I had fallen a sleep in a cold sweet and wouldn't be able to go back to sleep for the rest of the night. But I was ready to be alone. "Yea your right you look like you should get some sleep too."

"Yea, alright get some sleep I'll see ya later Kay?"

"Yea" I walked to the door with fin and said goodnight and closed the door.

I walked across my apartment to the windows and waited tell he drove off he parked in the same place Elliot always did. So I knew where to look. Once he was gone I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower locked the door and got into the shower the hot water poured over my skin. I grabbed a bar of soap and a scrub cloth that hung on a hook in my shower and began to scrub at my skin hard washed and washed and still I didn't feel clean. I hadn't felt clean in months my skin was red and i didn't care I just keep scrubbing. I didn't wont to feel him touching me anymore don't now how long I had been in the shower I washed every part of my body when the water started getting cold. So I turned it off and stepped out drying my raw body off and got dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top.

I went in to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Nothing looked good it was just food. I didn't really feel Hungary but I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. I new that I need to eat, Even if it was just something small. I dropped some bread in the toaster, and grabbed a bear from the refrigerator. I never drank this mush in my life before this happened and I now understood why my mother had drunk so much it takes a little of the edge off of things. But that wasn't an excuse she needed to take care of me and she never did and she was a drunk before I came along. When the toast popped up I grabbed it and walked to the living room i wasn't going to be able to sleep but maybe I could find something on T.V

I put the beer and my toast on the coffee table and sat down. Cuddling up with the blanket I turned the T.V. on and flipped through the channels news and some drama shows. A few sitcoms and some cartoon but nothing sounded good so I tuned it off and reached under the couch where I keep a journal that I had started keeping. It was blue about an inch thick. My shrink had suggested starting one to "express how I was feeling and how I was dealing with what had happened."I thought it was silly to keep a journal I hadn't written in one since I was sixteen.

I flipped it open. Every thing that I had been feeling was written on the pages'. I opened it to an empty page and grabbed a pin from the coffee table. I thought about every thing that had happened today. So I wrote this:

**I had a hard day today I think I'm losing it. I held my gun to a man's head. And I completely freaked out on fin. He thinks I need help. I think so too but I don't know what to do anymore. I see his face everywhere I can't talk about it. It hurts to much and I don't wont people to know. It's none of the biasness. I don't think therapy's helping. I'm not going to go back. I can't. I just need to stop thinking about it and just pretend that it never happened. I need to move on with my life now. The Flashbacks are coming more and more often and every time they seem so real. I haven't been eating. And my sleep is still nonexistent. I don't know what **

**I'm going to do. I'm so scared.**

**Liv**

I closed the journal and leaned back on the couch I needed sleep. I pulled the blanket off and walked to the bathroom and opened the median cabinet above the sink, pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills. I opened the bottle and dumped two into my hand and tossed them in my mouth. They tasted horrible so turned on the water and cupped my hand and took a sip of water out of my hand. Then downed the pills knew it wasn't going to be long before I would start to feel them so I left the bathroom and back into the living room I grabbed the now stall toast and the two empty beer bottles into the kitchen and through then away.

When I got to my room I stared at my bed the place that used to be a place of peace, Where I could relax and the end of the day. Let my mind travel away for the hatefulness that I saw all day, A place where I could just float away. But now it is a place of fear and hate. I was afraid to sleep. I was starting to feel light headed and drowsy. I walked over to the bed. I had no choice now I pulled the cover's back and claimed in. I lay there for a moment my body was stiff. And I slowly fell asleep.

Nightmare*nightmare*nightmare*nightmare*

**Harris pined me down on the mattress tried to get away but I was stuck. When he got off of me I jumped up but it was fruitless he grabbed on to me and kissed me I screamed "please stop and then he started to mock me. He through me back down, then he grabbed me and I tried to get away from him but he was to strong and I was still cuffed. He pushed me against the wall and he forced his body up against mine I could feel him hard against me I was screaming at the top of my lungs hoping someone would hear me.**

I woke up screaming for help. I was soaking wet. I started to sob. Then could feel my self start to get sick .I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, thought up in the toilet. But I hadn't eaten in a couple of days so all that came up was stomach bile. Which was worse because it was a taste I wouldn't be able to get out of my mouth no matter how long I brushed my teeth? Now I was now sitting on the floor leaning against the bath tub. And then I herd it. Someone was knocking on my door. I stood up and looked my self in the mirror. My face was ghostly pail .I flushed the toilet and splashed my face with some cold water. Then I went to see who was knocking on my door at this hour.

When I got to the door I glanced at the clock it was 6am.i looked thought the peephole .there stood none other my partner for the last 11 years. I opened the door half way.  
"What?"I asked sounding annoyed that he was standing there

"I thought I would come pick you up for work."

"Oh. Sorry but you wasted a trip I'm taking some personal time"

"Oh is everything okay?"

"Yea I just.....uhhh you want to come in?"

"sure" she opened the door and let him in. he closed the door behind him.

"You're still in your pj's"

"Yea I just woke up ......just have a seat I'm going to going go change Kay"

"Alright" she walked back to her room.

Elliot walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. in front of him sat a blue one inch journal he was usually not the kind to snoop but he was worried about Olivia and maybe this said something about what was going on with her. He picked it up, glanced over his shoulder and then opened the journal…..

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Sorry about the cliffhanger ....marry Christmas!!!!!


	3. Elliot finds out

Elliot P.O.V

Hey so really sorry that it took me so long to update but between holidays, computer problems and homework out my nose I guess I just haven't had the time or the recourses. so I hope everyone had a great holidays and that you enjoy this next please don't shoot me for taking so long to update so enjoy, review!!!

Elliot sat on Olivia's couch the journal in his lap wide open to the first page. It was a diary entry. And this is what it said,

**It's been almost four months since it happened. I've been horribly uncontrollably jumpy and I feel I may never sleep again. Every** t**ime I close my eye I see his face. Every sound is him coming after me. And every** **touch is him violating me. I can't take it anymore. This is my first entry and today was my first day of counseling. I don't know how well it will work but I have to trying the tension between Fin and me has become undeniably obvious. I have to find a way to fix things but I suppose his just one person on a list of people that I have to explain my self to. Well I'll keep wring and hopefully things well work out**

**LIV**

'Violating me?' what had happened and where the hell was I. I have to talk to her about this s

he can't just hide away. I know if I just confront her with what I know she'll lock down and shut everyone out and I'd rather skip that step the time it would take me to get her walls to fall would take fare to long. Fin I have to talk to him first and she what he knows.

Just as I closed the journal the door to Olivia bedroom opened. Quickly I set the journal back were it was . Olivia entered the room dressed casually in a pair of faded blue jeans and a loose t-shirt. She sat down on the couch one leg tucked under her she looked calm but there was a hurt a sadness that lingered behind her eyes. Like she was pleading him or anyone to see it and help her. but he needed to just be there for her right now not push not ask just get the facts from fin then come back and find out what he could do to help.

"So ya sick?" I asked coolly

"HUU?"

"I asked why you where taking time? Are you sick?"

"Oh no, just umm got to involved in the cruse case a little to much."

"oh" I glanced at my watch it was a thirty minute drive to work and my shift started in fifteen. But I couldn't drag my self away from her eyes tugged at my soul and I knew that I had to do something…..I had to go to work .

"Look I wish I could stay but my shift starts soon. So….hey why don't I stop by after work we can talk we haven't had a good meal together in a while I could get us some takeout and we can just talk."

"Thanks El but what about Kathy don't you think she's going to wont you home for dinner"

"No Kathy and I got in another fight. I Can go home right now I've been renting a cheep apartment for now….see we got some things we should talk about."

"Yea I Guess your right we should talk. but lets skip the food I…I'll make us something." a quick shy smile crept across her face but it didn't change the hurt in her eye.

"alright I'll be her by about Seven thirty alright." I stood up and go t ready to leave.

"yea sounds great."

"hey can I use your bathroom before I go?"

"Sure"

I walked into the hall and into the white plan bathroom I closed the door but didn't lock it she knew I was in hear she wouldn't walk in on me plus I wasn't really here to use the spotless porcelain bowl. I stood in front of the sink and opened up the medicine cabinet.

There was a couple of bottles of vitamins C and A, Two bottles of nail polish (probably the only nail polish she owned), A pink box of tampons, a tube of tooth past and what he was hoping not to find two orange semi see through bottles with a white labels and white lids.

I pick one up and read the label it was a prescription a sleeping pill. Which I guess I understand she could have had this a long time in are line of work and with everything we see I can't see Liv coning home falling asleep really easily. I reach for the other one

This one caught me off guard it was an anti-depressant.

Olivia depressed what ever was going on with her was horrible enough to be depressed enough to need anti-depressants both contained less then four pills. Elliot stuffed both in his pocket hopefully she wouldn't notice they wore gone and he could put them back tonight.

He'd been in there a while so he figured he better leave he closed the cabinet door and flushed the toilet and turned on the sink half a minute then opened the door.

"I was starting to wonder if you had fallen in," she said with a laugh.

"Yea…. well see ya tonight." Elliot walked to the door and left his only thought of how he was going to show restraint while he was choking the life out of Fin.

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_**Okay so please review and I'll update as soon as I can!!!!**_


	4. anger

okay yea i know i've been gone forever and now schools out(finaly) and i'll be able to update

a lot more and yea!!!so here's the next chapter and hope you injoy!by the way a few of you have

sujested a beta reader but i don't really know what that is or how to do that so if some one could send

me a message that would be wonderful thanks!!!!

Rina

(aka)eoandbb

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Elliot p.o.v.

I stomed into the office i didn't care right now i was going to kill Fin and nothing was going to stop me nothing.

"FIN" i yelled

fin spun around from were he was infront of the captians office.

"What do you want stabler?"

"Your coming with me right now"i stated and truned around and left i went back to my car a few moments later

fin walked over and stood next to the car.

"you going to come in?"i asked i had calmed my nervs

"you going to go off on me again?"

"no"i stated bluntly

fin opened the door of the sudan and sat down we sat there for a moment.

" what happened to olivia?"

"when?"

"i went to her apartment this morning and i read a bit of her journal... it wasn't good but she mentioned you and said

something about the tension between you two...did you do something to her?i swear to god if you did i'll kill you right now."

my heart was pounding again i couldn't hold my temper much longer i needed someone to tell me what the hell was going.

fin's face was sarrow-filled somthing was clearly wieghing on his mind.

"How could you possibly think i would ever hurt olivia?"

"i don't know. i love her fin and the thought of anyone ever hurting her pisses me off you were my only happened?"

"It was the undercover job at seelview"fin stared at his hands.

"what really happened....i know its not writen in the report....I'm having dinner with olivia tonight what should i ask her?"

"I Don't know Elliot....i'v e tryed to talk to her but she...she's having flash backs....so what ever you do just give her time she'll tell

you but you'll have to be willing to except the truth about what happened and then help her deal with it."

"I know....and i am sorry i just didn't know what to think"I reach in my pocket and pulled out the bottles

"ones an anti-depressent and the other is sleeping pills....i'm really worried about her..."fin cut him of

"you took her pills....elliot what if she needs them?"

"like i said i'm going back over tonight...hopfully she wont notic there gone"

"we beter get back to work"

"yea"

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Olivia P.O.V.

standing in the kitchen i try to think what i'm going to make for elliot to night something easy but good

i supose its easyer for me to think about food on an empty i should eat and get my pills down.i

I opened the cabnet and grabed a glass and filled it with opened the refrigorator and grader an apple

it didn't sound good but she needed something in her stomach the anti-depressents hurt her stomach if she

didn't have them with she took a big bit of the apple and graber the water and washed it down it was the dryest

apple she had ever tasted but it didn't matter she walked into the bathroom and open the mirrored cabnet she grabed

the bottles of vitimins and shook one from each bottle into her hand then she reached to the space were her prscriptions

usually were....where were they she glanced around the rest of the cabnet and closed it she looked around the counter;

tooth buush,tooth past, kleanex, a few random things but no were cloths and towls on the floor i picked them up

but still nothing...they couldn't have just disapeared.i opened every droawer and looked in every place i could but they worn't there.

they couldn't have just got up and walked away...."ELLIOT"she cursed he'd been the only one in her house today he must have taken

them...but why...I marched in to my room and grabed my cell of the night it open punch the numbers as if each one was

him and some how that would be punis i was done i held it to my ear and waited to one ring,two ring, three rings

then his voice answered in a high spirted tone"hey liv whats up?"

okay thats it for now i'll update soon happy 4th of july


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